


It Gets Worse

by thranduils1



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-16
Updated: 2018-07-16
Packaged: 2019-06-11 15:12:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15318249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thranduils1/pseuds/thranduils1
Summary: Season 5 fluff between Castiel and the reader





	It Gets Worse

**Author's Note:**

> Moving my fics over from Tumblr. I tried to not touch it too much. I'll live with my mistakes. Originally posted 07/11/16.

_“I’m considering disobedience.”_

_“Good.”_

_“No. It isn’t. For the first time I feel…”_

_“It gets worse.”_

Cas remembered this conversation with Anna. And it had gotten worse. Pain, sadness, detachment… he felt lost.

Until he met her.

“Hi!”

She was bright. He felt his heart tug towards her.

He forced a closed lipped smile, feeling silly because he was still so inept with human interaction. “Hello.”

Her eyes wandered over him curiously, watching him closely. “You’re right. He’s stoic,” she commented, throwing a playful glance at Dean and Sam, who merely shrugged, smiling sheepishly.

He didn’t want to be stoic. He wanted to be welcoming. To bring her in.

She gave him a little push on his upper arm, “Loosen up a little, Castiel. We’ve only got a little bit longer to live according to those two.”

It gets worse Anna said. Watching her smile, her gaze falling on him, the way she snuggled into the couch watching her favorite show and pats the seat next to her, inviting him to join her. This need is bubbling up inside him, growing every time he is near her. This part of it doesn’t feel worse. He feels elated.

_“I got your message. It was long. Your message. I find the sound of your voice grating.”_

_“What’s wrong with you?” Are you… are you drunk?”_

_“No! …Yes.”_

_“What the hell happened to you?”_

_“I found a liquor store.”_

_“And?”_

_“And I drank it! Why’d you call me?”_

_“Are you okay?”_

_“Don’t ask stupid questions.”_

Castiel pulled away from Sam and his eyes landed on her, sitting on the couch. She had a small smile on her face, like she was trying not to laugh. He didn’t know if it was at him or at Sam and he felt a new emotion. It felt like a burn, his cheeks getting hot. He wanted to disappear.

But then she patted the seat next to her. “Come on, Cas. I’ll get some water for you.”

That part almost felt worse. But she saved him.

_“Cas… we’ve talked about this. Personal space.”_

_“My apologies.”_

He tried to remember this part of interacting with them. Angels had no personal space with each other. They just were. Humans were different. It was something he had to get used to.

Castiel found her in a laundry mat across from one of the hotels they were staying in one day, humming to herself. The melody was slow, enticing. There was no one else in the mat. It was 11:00 pm. He wondered why she felt safe enough to come across the street and be on her own in the dark. After what he had seen what humans are capable of over his centuries of being alive, his instinct was to be protective.

Her soft tune drew him in. She turned around and gasped seeing him, dropping the clothes in her hands on the floor. He had forgotten again and gotten too close. He hadn’t announced himself.

“Oh, Cas!” she let out a laugh. He noticed her cheeks getting red and he immediately felt his chest tighten. He knew that feeling and he didn’t want her to feel it. She dipped down immediately, scooping up the warm clothes in her hands. “You startled me.”

“I’m sorry,” he said sincerely.

That smile again. He felt his heart bursting.

“It’s okay.”

“Can I help you?” he questioned.

She looked over her shoulder at the dryer and then back at him. Giving a slight shrug, she replied, “Sure. I hate folding socks.”

“I’ll do that part.”

He would do anything to make her life a little easier. She smiled again, comfortable being shoulder to shoulder with him. Being close.

This was definitely better.

_“It’s starting.”_

_“Yeah, you think, genius?”_

_“You don’t have to be mean.”_

He felt a touch and he looked down immediately, seeing her hand wrap up in his. His eyes traveled back up to meet hers and she gave his hand a little squeeze.

“So, what do we do now?” Dean questioned, drawing Castiel’s attention back.

He couldn’t help being bitter. “I suggest we imbibe copious quantities of alcohol… just wait for the inevitable blast wave.”

“Yeah, well thank you, Bukowski. I mean how do we stop it?” Dean was annoyed.

He was tired. “We don’t.” He felt her grip loosen slightly but ignored it. “Lucifer will meet Michael on the chosen field. And the battle of Armageddon begins.”

Dean was not done yet. He was just getting fired up. “Okay, well where is this chosen field?”

“I don’t know.”

“Well, there’s gotta be something that we can do!”

“I’m sorry, Dean. This is over.”

“You listen to me, you junkless sissy –” That was too much. He felt anger, a feeling he despised because it took over his whole vessel, much like happiness but it made him feel terrible. “We are not giving up!” Dean looked over his shoulder. “Bobby?”

Bobby did not answer. Dean tried again with a little more force, “Bobby?”

“There was never much hope to begin with,” Bobby finally responded quietly. He looked ashamed. “I don’t know what else to do.”

Castiel turned his gaze away from Dean and Bobby, looking at her again. She had never looked at him like that before. He hated the look in her eyes. The disappointment, the fear. She turned her gaze to Dean, searching for an answer. And he hated that even more. That she had moved faith from him to Dean, someone who was still fighting. She didn’t want someone who had given up so easily.

This is what Anna was talking about.

_It gets worse._

It was worse. He hated that he was hating. He hated that he was sorrowful. He hated that he was afraid. He hated that he had given up so much. He hated he had started feeling to begin with.

Anna was right. Falling, rebelling…

_It gets worse._

He didn’t want it worse. He wanted her. He wanted her to want him. He wanted everything to be better. For her.

_“Cas, are you God?”_

_“That’s a nice compliment. But no.”_

He paused and then added, “Although I do believe he brought me back.” He couldn’t help but to add, “New and improved” under his breath.

Castiel moved to Bobby, placing his fingers against his temple. Bobby awoke with a start, his eyes popping open. Another good person saved by his grace. God had brought him back for a reason.

He looked Bobby in the eyes before standing up with purpose.

Walking over to the Impala, he pressed his coat down, trying to look better presented. He approached the back window, looking in, seeing her lying down across the back seat. She looked up at him, her expression softening seeing him. She had been hiding, like Dean instructed her.

She pushed herself up from the seat, staring at him from the other side of the window.

He opened the door and scooted in the seat beside her without a word.

“Cas? Is everything okay?” she asked quietly. “I heard a lot of noise. Dean –”

She was silenced as he grabbed her face, pulling her to him and pressing his lips to hers. Her lips were soft, she smelled beautiful. She felt like home. He was lost in the kiss but found in her.

_It gets worse._

He tried to ignore Anna’s words for now.


End file.
